Its all about you.

Close your eyes. Breathe free. The blur not yet gone? Close those brown eyes again, the smoke decides not to leave at all, it expects you to have the ability to find yourself and if you can't then accept being blind. You won't be able to see any color again, you might not be able to see the beauty of the smile on a mothers face when she see's her child for the first time, you might not be able to appreciate your lovers blush ever again after a kiss, you might not be able to witness an old couple romancing on a bench. So you decide. The smoke will always be there though no matter what you decide, but if you choose to know black for color, which according to me is just absence of color, then there is no hope at all. Open your closed eyes and make an effort to change what has been going on for long now.

Losing hope is very easy, it is by far the simplest excuse to not do anything, to not stand up and claim. Yet the question is how far can you try, how far can you push and pull the bands of patience and tolerance? At one point of time you can take no more, the time you feel like giving up. But giving up really is not an option, it is more like running away. The sooner you accept, the shorter your marathon will be. Learn to forgive. The more you hate, the more you will suffer, think, waste time and tears. When you forgive, you also forget and hatred makes way from your heart and mind. To able to forgive requires a lot of time and thought. If you don't forgive the painful thoughts will create so much black that there will be no hope of color.

Life is too short to accommodate love it self, let alone hate. Smile at your enemies, it just requires stretching of a few muscles but takes a lot to hate someone and take pride in someone bitching about you because they are nothing but Jealous.

Just for sometime, for yourself, detach from the so called world, explore colors and appreciate the fact that you are YOU and not someone else.

A shattered glass.

The crisp and thick Nirma white uniform, the red batch on the left hand side, exactly over the heart, that black belt with my name 'Ushma Jhaveri' inscribed in golden, the memories bring tears to my eyes.

This is something i really wanted to write for long.

My mom said 'Ushma you cannot do this, this is not for girls!'' on the 1st of January 2001, when i was cribbing near the door that i want to join Karate. I had been throwing tantrums for a long long time. Finally she had to give in. I felt those robes for the first time on my body. They gave me confidence immediately even if i was bound by the white belt (lowest rank). My classes started, my mother expected me to quit in 1 month. I lasted for 6 years. After that i was cradling a broken heart as my instructors decided to move to Australia.

Even today when i look at the prized possession, my black belt i do feel proud of myself of having achieved something but at the same time the feeling of leaving something gropes my heart. I am not being dramatic, i really wanted to be a Samurai. I wanted to do more after black, i want to learn other forms; kung fu, parkour, tai chi, judo etc. All those jumps, kicks, punches, tactics, defenses are stored deep down in my mind that often surface with a feeling of sadness. I wanted to do more. I was eager in spite of the physical short comings.

Those gold, silver and bronze medals make me proud. This is the only thing i might have achieved. This is the only thing i want to be. My mother said i wont last but i was a bronze medal winner in a national tournament in the fighting competition (kumite in Japanese). I have 11 medals to my credit. I cant help but brag a little as i am feeling extremely nostalgic right now.

Those golden letters on my black belt say more than just my name, they say mom you were wrong. Today she can't help but tell everyone ''MY daughter is a black belt!" :).

-Thanks mom.

P. S : I plan to do kick boxing soon :P.

When colors come out more lively.

I am supposed to be working on my FC project right now, but obviously i am not doing that. I just made myself an awesome veg cheese toast (trust me that and ice is the best i do in the kitchen). So anyways, there is no other pleasure known to me better than writing. Most often my deep and dark feelings come pouring out like blood gushing out of a deep cut, when i am writing. The doors which are closed with numerous clasps open as soon as i lay my unmanicured fingers on the keyboard. Sometimes i don't know how tied up i am deep down and when my thoughts start flowing they all come out and spread so far and wide that it becomes difficult for me to gather them again and put them back inside. Sometimes feel my troubles and problems are greater than anyone elses. But I surely do not know what that small child or old woman sleeping empty stomach beneath the lamp post is feeling. Are her rocks harder than mine? No matter how much you try to tell yourself it is Ok. The fact is it never really is ok. i do not want to be sexist or anything but women do feel more than the men do. It is a personal perception.
I strongly feel that only the end of the world is really the end of the world!! I don't know how much farther i will have to go to discover the light from the darkness but even if i am going slow i am not stopping. Life is a movie reeling slow and slow and slow, maybe like K serials, those are like agonizingly slow and big time disasters :P. (But i still feel that Woman has power, she is making a lot of money at the expense of brainless viewers).
There comes this one time in my life when I feel to hell with all the things that are creating volcanic effects in my head. This one time is when all the colors come out more lively. This one time is with my friends. No matter how much I feel that I am one person who has never had successful friendships, these are the people who make me feel quiet the opposite. We never need a reason to celebrate. For us life is a celebration. We do not have any conditions to like anyone, but we do have our own prejudices!! No nail-breaking-trauma darlings, somehow no men :P, no pretenses. We can laugh on the same jokes all the time. Since we have been sadly separated by our respective pursuits we do make it a point to meet up and freely abuse those who pretend to be too busy to meet :P. We think it is fun to watch RGV movies and make fun of it, we think it is still awesome to buy balloons and make little kids jealous. We still think it is fun to lick our ice creams and behave like hogs as soon as food touches the table. We think it is fun to yell at people from the cab/car. We think it is fun to dance to 'pardesi pardesi jaana nahi'. We think it is fun to cry together out of nostalgia. When life brings us together everything changes. It is a totally different world for us. All of us some bitching, mindless thoughts, feelings, opinions, views and pent up emotions, stress, fatigue and problems in our respective empty heads. But everything is forgotten when we are together. I do not know what Junior college would have been like without the presence of these 4 amazing beauties. No matter how much i can hate them, i couldn't have got better companions to bitch. Some people make my day. They make my Life.

My dilapidated workshop

Haven't written for an entire month, feel horrible, tied up, lost, over sensitive, wasted, tired, sleepless, hungry, thirsty,purple-eyed. I feel i am being followed by someone? I think it is my own self. And may be.. may be i am not sure.. it is called 'conscience'. And i also think that it is dull and grey. I do not like being followed. But at some time i have to face it. Face the consequences of my own actions. I am not ready yet, please spare me if you are listening. I am too engulfed in the dream which i know would never come true. I dream of being a martyr for the nation, i dream of owning a BMW bike, i dream of cutlery, i dream of houses with a sea at their expanse, i dream of being a Samurai, i dream of being a photographer, i dream of writing till my pen keeps flowing till my thoughts keep reeling, i dream of red, orange, green, yellow, pruple and blue, i dream of being somewhere, i dream of white. But there is just black and even more gray. I have lost my voice, my vision, my strength, myself in a sea of doings; wrong and right. it is vast and i am so taken. There is no more place now. The organ that is the size of my closed hand is filled. Filled to the brim and now over spilling. The light brown color of my eyes has taken the shade of a dark mysterious brown. I have no intentions of solving the water problems that always prevails no matter the floods, at my expense. I never wanted to but i cannot help.... myslelf. They say self help is the best help, did you not still need someone to tell you that? I open the windows and only see a vast, emoty, silent, cold, dark, rude expanse of nothingness that is so vicious that is so penetrative, that is so damn consuming that my shadow, my foot prints, my essence and my presence has all evaporated. It has been forever berrating me to do something for myself, it is so small, my little conscience, it shouts, beckons and i pretend not to hear a word of it.

In front of that 1 shade all my colors fade, 1 front of that 1 shade my color has no value at all, i desperately try to mix it with my palate and brush, i empty the whole tube but that shade does not seem to budge as my color still tries to penetrate the strong walls of my own image. There is a constant struggle between me, myself and I. Some people are just trying to pretend to be happy with what they have. Some are happy that way. Some are not happy even if they have everything. Some are never happy with what they have. And some are just clueless. I do not even want to define perfect because it does not exist and has not been experienced.

1 titanic ring for a second is enough and my heart leaps and bounds. There is no requirement of another moment. And if it does not ring for long then it is enough to render me restless. Someday it might just stop ringing. It is my biggest living fear other than insectophobia. I live on the ring. I eat, drink, sleep and breathe that titanic ring. I patiently as well as impatiently await the ring. Sometimes it rings beautifully. It surpasses sleep, hunger, thirst and even life. It is a powerful addiction. It is an addiction i like. It is the oxygen i cannot do without. I sound crazy. stupid, foolish and dumb. Without the ring i have no value, i fall apart and break in to pieces says the owner of the dilapidated workshop.

This place is not very far. It lies amidst lonliness on a broken mountain top. May be it is far away from your reach. It is far away from my reach to.

From and to anonmyous.

Some correlation!

Recently my traveling life has been through a transition. Umm a very effective yet tiring change. I am mentioning this because it is of importance to me. As I have already said trains fascinate me. For more than 2 years I have been traveling by the Harbor line whose end is the historical CST station. Today i made a pass of Bandra to Church gate. Why? My college is bang opposite Church gate station, early in the mornings it is difficult to find cabs and everyday 30rs on cab is bit heavy on the meager pocket. My life made a very radical change from lazing around the 2 JC years to now working hard. Quiet hard.

I sometimes feel that there is no motorman leading the trains, I feel the trains function themselves, they probably know where each commuter wants to go. Off course this is my imagination and not Harry Potter but I seriously feel trains are magical creatures. The way trains change tracks, is something i love watching. Early in the mornings when i land up at king circle as early as 7:30am, I board a train that takes me to Bandra. That is just a 6 minute distance. As my train approaches bandra and halts i get off to climb the bridge that takes me to platform number 4 where I get a fast train to Church gate. Why fast train only? I like the Speed!!! It is so superfast!!! I love hanging in the morning, letting my wet hair dry, listen to Dido or Webbe or Twain and notice and make observations about people on the train and crowds on stations.

I interpret my journey from King Circle to Bandra on the harbor line as the slow beginnings of my mornings, where i wake up to my alarm that plays Aqua - Roses are red to wake me up. It is a bit slow and lazy. But by the time i am all set and ready to leave being done with my glass of milk and fruits I feel Bandra has arrived and it is my time to move faster.

Now Bandra has arrived, i get on to the train and get to the other side of the door leaving home behind on the door from where i just entered. I look at the vast expanse of rail tracks and i am reminded of the long yet interesting and amazing lectures of the day. The train begins to roll and I am reminded of my 1st lecture.

The fast train of my life from Bandra halts directly at Dadar, missing two stations in the middle. I interpret Dadar as my Psychology lecture where everything is so packed and jammed and trying to fit in. I am reminded of the sea of chapters that i have to do while looking at the large sum of people entering and leaving the train. Just as the subject is difficult, it is difficult to get in the train as well at Dadar.

After Dadar the train directly halts at Bombay Central, again the fast train of my life misses 3 stations. As the train arrives at Bombay Central i think it as my ECS (effective communication skills) class, not too many people, not too much matter to absorb. Nice, slow and easy to understand and follow. I also interpret it as my Literature class, again not too much to take in, just a little crowd and simple.

The fast train of my life becomes slow now. Just like my Philosophy class. Where everything is taught slowly and done slowly. As the train approaches Grant road a not very large group of eager looking people enter and descend. Everything very will sorted and organized, moving very systematically. Yet very very interesting subject.

The now slow train halts at Chrani road when i think of my French class, absolutely useless and very little people getting in and getting off! Just as the attendance of my French class! I don't like!

Marine lines, reminds me of FC (Foundation skills). A very beautiful scenrio outsdie the station, vast expanse of clean roads and maintained greenery, just as the subject is beautifully taught by one of the mosting amazing proffessors i have ever known!

The fast yet slow train of life just like my life is fast yet slow ends at churchgate. Where i step out of the station and move ahead to realize my day.

My day ends by lunch time, where i again take a fast train back home. This train is emoty and tired and forcing itself to the shed for break just like i am going to my shed, my home to get my body some fuel and rest :).

Sometimes a fast life can be very hectic. But some amount of slowness, some amount of pulled chains will help you relax. It is essential to take a deep breath and enjoy your surroundings and life. The relaxation enters my day in the evenings when i take a slow train again from King Circle to Bandra again to let my wheels slow down, where i get to be with him. He makes me realize the importance of slowing down and taking it easy when i am busy cramming too much that is not mentioned here and that makes me irrationally tired in the fast train of my life. He tells me ''Ushma, it is sometimes essential to take a slow train too''. Well he is my slow train.He is the slow train I always look forward too :)

But I wonder will there ever be a superfast train? Bandra to Chruchgate direct? But the slow train is always there so no worries :)

O! i have nothing here but random shit!

I have nothing more than random to impart to you readers. Haven't been blogging in a while now! The swine flu and the strike have made my mind and thoughts stagnant with rust and my grey cells wither away to glory, or so i guess!! The emptiness of the mind, the laziness of the body does not prevent me from randomizing (that sounds like grazing! eww). But anyway i will still gargle the randomized bakwaas!!

If not anything else, the strike could kill. Totally hazardous to health and dangerous. C'mon guys its been 25 days!! I want COLLEGE!!!

The flu!! O boi! Please people take all the precautions you keep reading everywhere. It is sad. Because it is in the air we breathe.

I wish the Horoscope bit would get over. I have already written a 40 on it. Please Niks!!!

I wish Facebook would get more interesting. Seriously i have lost all hopes from Orkut already.

i wish she would act a little less convienient ( You probably dont know whom i am talking about, but i wish i could name! just keep guessing. Could be jim Carrey you never know? )

I like Hannah Montanna ok!!!! ( ya go laugh at me!!)

And i am not GIRLLLLLLLYYYY ok.... swirl your tongue and thr r howmuch ever you can. Yeah! that much is the emphasis!! I dont like all that hugging and touch and awww and my shocking pink-trying-to-attract-attention-from-stupid-boys nail colour nail broke!! Please, if you see me, don't HUG me!!! please!!!

I want my hair shorter. I want a boycut! But my mom says she wouldnt let me in! Actually i want a bald but if the boy cut is such an issue i really cant risk asking for a bald!! who knows she might not allow me near the stairs also! (I could take the lift but !! :P)

When anger dissolves love evolves!! (I like <3)

I am reading the 5th Potter book! yayayayaya!! But i have to read so many other things that are more constructively useful for me. (ill just ignore i said that!).

I wish my computer speakers would work you know! I have so many movies to watch. The stupid thing works on my phone but not on my computer. And i am too lazy to dial the engineer. If the strike persists i might consider doing that. The strike has been for 4 weeks now. Sigh!

Me and my beautiful 4 have decided to meet up every saturday!! Isnt that so kool!!

I want navy blue streaked hair. But neitther am i going to get a boy cut nor a bald and nor the navy blue hair. Sad!

He has a very good taste in music. I like! Oh no! I love!

Spilling out even more junk.

Someone is off my system completely!! O yeah! (as for the name Go figure!! ;) )

I want a scooty pep plus!! You know, why should boys have all the fun!!

I have mousse waiting for me in the fridge. Yumm!!!

I could do with a new deo!

Oh yeah my phone rocks!! it so does baby!!

New glasses are definately on my list. How about Purple coloured ones? I mean the frame not the glass of course!

I don't even know why some people are on my list? Seriously i just recieve stupid notifications from you! ( ****** took a how sexy i am quiz and invited you to take the same) I mean really are you that...uh what ever chuck!

I am sad about that fact that i cant charge and use headset on my phone at the same time. But my phone is still super sexy ok!! I look at it with lusty eyes sometimes :P

Ok ill go get my mousse now and shut it.
YaWn... i hope you get the picture.

Finally its all about the 'ek chutki sindoor' ...don't know why i say this..
ok i am shutting it..... tatatatatataaaaaa

Some conversation ha!

Lazy lazy lazy... that's what my days are now. The indefinite strike put up by professors is costing us poor students. I know many of you must be enjoying at home but i really am not! Waiting for college to begin and waiting to attend lectures. I am so bored at home. Even level 3 is over. But i just signed up for a conversational course in French at Alliance and its a good 3 months.

Though most of the evenings i am out with A and sometimes Friends.
Yes, my evenings with A are a matter of discussion for this post right now. Joggers park. Me and A go there for walk often. You get to see various kinds of people there. From little kids with sand sets dirtying their bums in the sand to cute old couples chattering, laughing, talking, walking and enjoying the breeze and the waves. You also see people with i pods at their arms, jogging or discussing the latest movies with their company. Or women gossiping and discussing their husbands or servants. I have seen all kinds of people, irrespective of religion, caste, age or gender. The place is quiet a huge expanse with a lot of greenery around and to one side is the Arabian sea with the wind blowing in.

My second last evening there with A: After walking for an hour we decided to sit for a while. I having just acquired a new phone decided to show off and started clicking pictures. It was dark by then and the flash light of my camera caught the attention of a middle aged couple sitting exactly across us. The uncle called A to ask about the phone as he said he wanted to buy one too. (See, my phone is killer!). So A explained about my phone and about a couple of other phones. As i still sat across clicking away to glory and waiting for him to come back. 5 mins...10 mins...15 mins...20 mins... still talking. The conversation has moved far away from phones. I don't know much of it but when i joined in, it was on Aviation and how the entire Aviation industry works on money. At the end of some 30-40 mins they left us and they asked me to take care of him. *blushes*. This was last Saturday.

Today me and A again decided to go to Joggers. Again having walked for nearly an hour we decided to sit. Surprisingly we had a serious conversation about my BA & BMM confusion and his Bsc Aviation. Mind you, we rarely have serious conversations :P. Its mostly non-stop nonsense! Hehe! So yes, as we were walking towards the parapet-railing kind of place to seat ourselves and enjoy some breeze, A noticed the cutie couple! We went up to them and said our hellos. Its a very peculiar thing, how you meet new people and you can just chat endlessly about just anything under the sun. Trust me we four chatted about just everything. Today, the topics were socializing, networking, youngsters, again Aviation and uncle's party experiences.
He and aunty had been to the bank and there was this little boy no older than 3 just out of play school, accompanying his mother, decided to pee near the pamphlet table in the bank itself and joyiously went up to mommy and said '' see what i made!'' Uncle also told us how he was hit upon by a woman in a pub once and aunty only laughs coyiously :P.
He told A '' The important thing is networking! Whenever you go to a party, make sure you at least make two useful contacts." And A said " Err..uncle i don't smoke or drink and have never been clubbing!'' Aunty said "Yes at your age you youngsters only drink, dance and woo girls."

Uncle was raving about how even the 50+ are getting used to the new lingo. ''Once on a street an old man driving a car and young man driving a car happened to brush by closely and the young guy all pissed off rolled down his window and said ''Eh you oldie! You don't know to drive a car or what?'' The oldie says "Chill yaa!!", Now that's the fashion these days!

Another topic was dancing! Neither me nor A dance! And aunty and uncle happened to have done the Salsa!!! "I met this salsa instructor somewhere and just asked her to come over and teach us...and did we have fun or what! And then we went to a party and stole the limelight of the hosts :D" said uncle."Its good to dance and loosen yourself ya, you should do it too! Everybody these days knows some form of dancing". I always kept telling A i want to do salsa or waltz I hope now he listens! He went to another party i guess it was a birthday party...they were not supposed to take gifts.. ''There was this bugger who got a huge box as gift and the host refused to take, they wasted 7-10 mins over the discussion of giving and not accepting, now if you have got just take it and get over with it'' says uncle. Hahahaha!

Another topic was the 'good old days'. Uncle said ''in my days it was not easy to take a girl out as it is now. Now a days you have parks and you go to the movies, dinning, partying and all that. For us a walk with the girl down the road was something great. To ask the girls out for the Christmas party was something we boys prepared for. We would go for a haircut, put on our best clothes and behavior. And in those days there were no lifts and the partied would be on roof tops. As soon as the boy entered with a girl everyone's eyes would turn to the door and the gossip would start. Even if hands brushed gently, sorries would be exchanged and that simple touch was heaven for us. And at the end of the eve where the girls would have a deadline from their father's we would only hope for a good night kiss!''

He asked us about our religion, and we said Gujarati and south Indian. He said oh! wow! that's very nice! People should do this more often. Because in the end we are all Indians and we should be called only that! And there was this huge discussion about ABCD's ( American born confused desi's). Every discussion was followed by one or more examples! He spoke of an Indian with a simple father, now settled abroad, vacationing abroad and very rich owning a yacht!

Aunty talked about girls being very promiscuous these days and very open minded. I said ''hmm... a lot of that depends on your up bringing!''. ''What all girls do to attract boys! Wear skimpy clothes, show off their body, even though they don't have anything to show off!'' Said uncle! *Me looking at A*

Uncle mentioned about people deciding to get married by only knowing each other through internet. Aunty said '' how do you know about the persons authenticity like that?" This one also was attached with an example '' i know someone who went all the way across the globe for someone she met on the net!'' Me and A ...trying to look away.. because ...umm ..uh... orkut. ya!

The darkness of the sky brought an end to the hour long talk, they decided to leave...And again they asked me to take care of A. We don't yet know each others names :P. What a couple! Hope to see them again! So they left, leaving me and A to digest what ever happened :P.

:D :D :D :D!!!

Hello hello hello!! Long time i haven't posted anything...
Well my stupid computer crashed!!! And was busy studying for B1 French exam... sigh! What a pain. It got over today and i really hope to pass! If i pass then i shall proceed to the next level... the 4th...B2!


I feel i am in love.... really... its something i never felt before. My heart leaps and bounds with your tender touch. And your body.. what to say about your body!! Sleek and sexy... And when i take you in my hands i feel the warmth of your touch. I crave for you... i crave to feel your smooth body. I promise to look after you and never ever hurt you, you sexy thing! I go mad when i look at you...when i touch you... mad in your love.
Yes, you silly people, don't let the horses in your head run!

I am talking about my new phone!!!! YAYAYAYA!!! LALALALALAL!!!
The super sexy Sony Ericcson C510i!!!!! :D :D :D :D. Well-equipped with an even sexier 3.2mp cam!! *dancing like a mad monkey* yayayayayay!!!!
Yes it did burn a hole in my dads pocket... :P

Random

Have been through a lot lately... a few realizations, a few shocks, betrayals, newness.
Transition. Yes that's the word. Sometimes, when i try to look in to the depths of me i find my mind and heart running parallel. No conflicts, both are very well co-ordinated and want the same thing of me. Sometimes i wish i had an other side to me, perhaps an evil side. Like when i wanted to my eyes would turn red, nails longer like claws, vampire teeth and black robes. Transitions and transformation i like. But again that is all twilightish-potterish, which like superstitions and myth just exist in our head.

Realization
That nothing is better than nothing and no one is better than no one. You have to get over kindergarten fights and move onn!! Yes the word is MOVE ONN from everything else! You know that those people are going to be there and keep doing the same things and they don't even get tired. And it stops affecting you sometimes.
There is no use of repeating the same old things and being judgmental. Anyway, that is thrown in the bin now for a long time.

The scary-sad-mad-journey.
I call P and ask her to stop by at Andheri on her way home. We walk randomly around Andheri. Decide to get home by a 9pm ST train. Not that crowded, little human significance. The cockroach laden compartment. Suddenly a wrapper flies in from the window at P. We thought it to be random. Two more consecutive such acts told us that it was an act of perverse behavior! Initially i thought it was just one and i had good plans to beat him up but the number multiplied and yes i had to take back my words and we had to run for our lives all the way outside the station to a cab. Horrible. Sick.
I told P, if India wants their athletes to win at the Olympics they should set one such perv behind every person. You never know, it might work and we might just win!

Newness.
Jai hind BA had begun. And let me tell you, it was nothing like i thought it would be!! It is Fantastic! I just totally fell in love with the Philosophy prof. (not literally). She sure makes the class attentive and interesting. Psychology has been good too so far! And English and ECS (Effective Communication Skills) were great too. The professors are fantastic hands down!! Today i just sat for History, even though its not my subject, but because i love the professor.
Getting up early in the morning, scantily clad streets and trains, the rain, the air, the bathed town smells all fresh.
I love the place, never wanted leave either when i was in Junior College! The people, the newness is all good to the messed up me.
Having a good time for now :)

I'm through and done.

Yes the painful process of admission is finally over. Yes I am not in BMM. Couldn't get through ...so what? The painful two weeks that nearly took my life, 1st list, 2nd list, 3rd list, 4th list i was still no where.
I wish to share my agony with all my dear readers so here goes the whole story...

I scored a decent 73.5% (its good for an arts student). I really really wanted to do BMM! I applied in Jai hind (My junior college), Sophia, KC, National!

Jai hind had only one merit list for in house students and the wretched thing closed on 76.33%.
Sophia had only two merit lists and it closed on 74.33%
KC had only 2 and it closed on 78%
Nationals had 4, the 3rd one closed on 76% and the fourth one was only for Commerce, Science and every other person who was from every where else but not ARTS!!!

BMM - Bachelors in Mass Media!!

A stream dominated by the ARTS people!
But it did not happen so!
In Sophia college the cut off for Science people was 71% ONLY!!!! When they do not even deserve to be there! Are the Arts people allowed to do BscIT? Engineering? MBBS? And all of their other life wasting streams? NO!!! Then why the F*** are they allowed??
Each college has the right to have only 60 seats for the professional course! And believe it or not only 13 seats are available to open ARTS category!!! What right do they have to poke their noses in this stream??

And the so called MINORITY category!! Someone please change their name to MAJORITY!!
They and the SC/ST always take away the cake!! Why? Are their brains different? Do they have a different foundation then ours, the normal? Its sad and pathetic when you see a minority or an sc/st person walking away with the admission with a mere 50%!!

If you want to get in to such courses and also in good colleges then either be born as SC/ST or catholic or sindhi. Or have a hell of an Influence or get a 90%. This world has no place for the Average. (No offense to religion) (All offenses to Quotas only.) Else you will be lost in this cruel world of reservation and quotas.

For two weeks i have been running around a lot and desperate for admissions. I secured my BA at the last moment. Finally today i rest, i did shopping. Got myself new shoes. Sexy Converse! And a hair cut!! :D. And new socks also:P. Cute pink one's :P

So yes now i am in Jai hind BA. Plan to major in English Lit. and will concentrate on my writing and French. And after graduation will do a PG in Mass communication.
To my ambitions BA or BMM does not make a difference.
But i really wanted to do it, and now i can't.
Never mind, i'm good! But angry.